Alexa

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Denmark gripped by 'creepy' death of Swedish journalist on submarine
 
 

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Bonnie Tyler to sing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart during total solar eclipse
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These are the worldwide percentages of Jehovah´s Witnesses and where they live. A whopping 50% live in the Americas, and a whopping 35% live in the US, or Mexico, or Brazil. (The percentages shown on the right pie graph are of the worldwide total, so if it says 15% for the US it means that 15% of all JW´s worldwide live in the US, not 15% of the ones that live in the Americas).

For example the data below is from the 2017 Year Book, pages 47 to 76 - "Preaching and Teaching Earth Wide" 

Learn more about Jehovah's Witnesses

via TheWorldNewsOrgWorld News

via TheWorldNewsOrgWorld News

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I am very detail-oreinted.

My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!

Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

I am sicking and entry-level position.

It's best for employers that I not work with people.

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.

If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.

You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!

I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.

Please disregard the attached resume—it is terribly out of date.

Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.

Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.

Previous experience: Self-employed--a fiasco.

Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.

My experience in horticulture is well-rooted.

Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.

I am a rabid typist.

Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984.

I have a bachelorette degree in computers.

Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.

Graduated in the top 66% of my class.

Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.

Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes.

I worked as a Corporate Lesion.

Special Skills: Speak English.

Served as assistant sore manager.

Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.

Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.

Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts.

Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis

OH NO!!!
That old hag @The Librarian is getting Stockholm Syndrome!! When I entered to remove her breakfast tray of donuts, I saw she had written a post in her journal:
"How humiliating when those stuffy brothers counseled me - ME! - about my idea for a Watchtower centerfold. I would have made a splendid one - liven up that dull magazine!  I was not always what I am now. I did not always split bikini seams, and, donning my horn-rimmed librarian glasses - well....bookbags would have burst for all the subscription orders received.
"Decades and decades of toil with dullards with their noses stuck in a Bible at Bethel! Oh, the wasted humanity!  Only TrueTom valued me for my real worth, for my body. He has not forgotten. He knows there is still so much more to me than this loathsome small town librarian gig overseeing Duck Dynasty videos for country bumpkins. He is my RESCUER!!!!!!!
No lady, no!! Back off!! I am happily married to the drop dead gorgeous, traffic-stopping, Bible publication-devouring Mrs. Harley. Whatever you think we once had was long ago! I just want a little ransom money, that's all - and all the tightwads at the WorldMedia center want pioneer rates!
 
 

Try this:
Make some WANTED posters offering a $1000 reward for a
copy of your book ... this will make people WANT your book.
Staple the posters to telephone poles around Rochester ..
... the town, not Jack Benny's housekeeper.

via TheWorldNewsOrgWorld News

none  

COME  ON....   GO

This is Brian Brexit. I'm in Police Headquarters reporting on efforts to rescue @The Librarian, being held for ransom by TrueTom. Officer O'Maly, I imagine there has been much public outrage and pleadings that she be returned safely.
Well, not really, but you never know when that may start.
What progress have you made in locating her?
Zilch so far. However, a Dunkin Donuts has reported increased orders, 3 extra boxes a day picked up by a man in trench coat and dark glasses. So we planted a very clever electronic GPS listening device in one of the donuts and we expect the case to break wide open momentarily. Ah - we're picking up a signal now. Let's listen in!
CRUNCH!!  What the....There's a pebble in this donut!! Are you trying to kill me, TrueTom? I think I cracked a molar! You'd better pray you have a kidnapping rider on your dental plan. I'll clean you out!
For tomsheepandgoats.com, this is Brian Brexit reporting

"As we enter day 3 - or is it 4, 5, or 6? - I mean, who really misses the old hen enough to keep track? - of the disappearance of @The Librarian, there are reports that her kidnapper, TrueTom, has become disheartened because his demand for ransom money has been met with laughter. This may be the least of his woes. The Librarian's personal physician, Dr. Mike 'Ace' Inhibitor, has contacted tomsheepandgoats.com to warn that the woman is a walking pharmacy and cutting her off from the drugs she is on will have dire consequences. Dr Inhibitor:"
"This is the problem you get into when you kidnap wheezing windbags like my patient. Without an adequate cushion, a friendly kidnapping and turn deadly. Even if we only count legal prescription drugs, it takes a dump truck to supply her."
Brexit: "What will happen when the effects of her current medications wear off?"
Dr. Inhibitor: "Let me put it this way: I'd prefer to be downwind of Chernobyl."
Brexit: "Thanks, Ace. A major escalation of the case that has captured everyone's - well, many of us - well, a few - well....oh alright, just my (sometimes) attention. For tomsheepandgoats.com this is Brian Brexit reporting. 

Back when we used to date and she was known as the 'Bombshell from Bethel', she was not known for her brains. But after being booted from Bethel, she landed this gig at the library, a post she had held for many decades.
So I just assumed she was now smart. Nobody said she was. I just assumed it
Sigh - she's still dumb as a plank. Helping her pass the time while she is in my custody awaiting WorldNews readers to pay up a ransom for her release, a course that they have been surprisingly reluctant to embark on, I have offered her reading material, as a purely humanitarian gesture. Since she is @The Librarianat the library, I offered her a choice of brainy reading - writings from learned Greeks like Socrates and Hippocrates. 
"Oh, I hate the Crate brothers! I don't know which one is worse, So or Hippo!" she complained. She said she would rather try some Homer. So I fetched her The Odyssey, only to find that she meant Homer Simpson. I then said I would get her whatever she wanted, and she is binge-watching episodes of Duck Dynasty.
And - I don't know how she did it - she is under lock at key awaiting my ransom demands to be met - and my house is one and a half miles away, but she still managed to clean out my liquor cabinet.

She eats like a horse - that's all I have to say.
"I can't help it; I get hungry when I'm nervous. Pass me two more of those donuts, please," @The Librariansays.
So far I've raised only $2 from admin, who declared it an acceptable risk, since she owes him 20.

"This is Brian Brexit reporting for tomsheepandgoats.com. I am at the world headquarters of TheWorldNewsMedia company to report on the missing report of a strange person - uh, I mean, the strange report of a missing person (sorry). I am speaking with the company president, Allen Admin. Mr. @admin, what do you make of this report?"
Not much, to tell the truth. She's probably just off on another binge. Happens all the time.
But we have credible information that she has been kidnapped by TrueTom and is being held for ransom.
If that idiot thinks anyone's going to pay to get her back, he should change his name to DumbTom. Still, her disappearance is a little hard to fathom.
You mean that she didn't have a enemy in the world?
No, not that -  everyone was her enemy. I mean that, if he kidnapped the woman, he's going to have to put up with her. Even if his ransom demands bring in tens of thousands, it's probably not worth it.
Does this create a hardship for WorldNews replacing someone with her technical expertise on short notice?
Your joking! Look, we were trying to roll out simple thread technology and she managed to get everyone confused. Alright, so TrueTom is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but there were others. Even @Annawas having a hard time, and @b4ucuhear.
Who will replace her?
The janitor always does when she is tanked. I imagine he will do so now. You know, it's strange...
You mean, about @The Librarian?
No, I mean about the janitor. He's a janitor, right? And yet he owns 15 suits. I don't care anything about the corporate agenda of that sect he's with - it's not my business - but it is still strange.
Thank you, Mr. Admin. For tomsheepandgoats.com, this is Brian Brexit reporting.
 
 

via TheWorldNewsOrgWorld News

The librarian is a she?  Isn't it a he? Brother tom

Thats a sad thing suicide but she is an apostate from Bethel why would she do such a thing? Did she tried to see if theres a life after death?

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I have kidnapped @The Librarian If you ever want to see her again, (and I know I am taking a risk in saying this) you are going to have to dig down into your pockets and pony up. I figure if each reader pays $1000, that should be enough to secure her release.
There will be no special rates for those in full time service. I'm playing hardball.
Updates periodically.

"We who have exercised faith do enter into the rest."—Heb. 4:3
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When quoting Genesis 2:2 concerning God’s rest, Paul wrote under inspiration the words. (Heb. 4:4, 6, 9) So the seventh day was ongoing in Paul’s day. 
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How much longer was that day of rest to continue? In order to answer that question, we must remember the purpose of the seventh day. Genesis 2:3 explains what it is: “God proceeded to bless the seventh day and make it sacred.” That day was ‘made sacred’—sanctified, or set apart, by Jehovah—in order to bring his purpose to completion. That purpose is for the earth to be inhabited by obedient men and women who will take care of it and all life upon it. (Gen. 1:28) 
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It is toward the realization of that purpose that both Jehovah God and Jesus Christ, the “Lord of the sabbath,” have “kept working until now.” (Matt. 12:8; John 5:17)
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God’s rest day will continue until his purpose in connection with it has been fully realized at the end of Christ’s Thousand Year Reign. 
 

"The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger." — Prov. 19:11.
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If a fellow Christian, especially one with privileges in the congregation, is thoughtless or acts in an unchristian way, it can hurt us or make us angry. ‘How can such things occur among Jehovah’s people?’ we might ask. Actually, such things occurred even among anointed Christians in the days of the apostles. (Gal. 2:11- 14; 5:15; Jas. 3:14, 15)
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How should we respond when we are affected? “I learned to pray for anyone who hurt me,” said one sister. “It always helps.” Jehovah wants his servants on earth to get along. We look forward to living together peacefully and happily forever, and Jehovah is teaching us to do so now. He wants us to cooperate in doing his great work. Therefore, let us resolve problems or simply “pass over” transgression and move ahead together. Instead of drawing away from our brothers when problems arise, we ought to help one another remain among God’s people.— Deut. 33:27.