How to Build a Successful Marriage ?

[Bible Speaks]

How to Build a Successful Marriage

Treat marriage as sacred. “What God has yoked together let no man put apart.” (Matthew 19:6) The Creator instituted the marriage arrangement when he introduced the first man, Adam, to his wife, Eve. (Genesis 2:21-24) Christ Jesus, who had been an eyewitness to this event during his prehuman existence, confirmed that Adam and Eve’s marital union was intended to be the start of a lasting relationship. He said: “Did you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’? So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart.”—Matthew 19:4-6.

▸ Speak respectfully. “There exists the one speaking thoughtlessly as with the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise ones is a healing.” (Proverbs 12:18) Researchers have found that most conversations end the way they start. Hence, if a conversation starts respectfully, it is more likely to end that way. Conversely, you know how hurtful it can be when a loved one speaks thoughtlessly to you. Therefore, make a prayerful effort yourself to speak with dignity, respect, and affection. (Ephesians 4:31) “Even though we see each other’s weaknesses,” explains a Japanese wife named Haruko,*married for 44 years, “we try to respect each other in word and attitude. That has helped us build a successful marriage.”

▸ Cultivate kindness and compassion. “Become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate.” (Ephesians 4:32) When there are strong disagreements, it is easy for anger to beget anger. In Germany, Annette, married happily for 34 years, admits: “It is not easy to keep calm under stress—you tend to say things that upset your partner, which only makes things worse.” By striving to be kind and compassionate, however, you can do much to help smooth the road to a peaceful marriage.

▸ Show humility. “[Do] nothing out of contentiousness or out of egotism, but with lowliness of mind considering that the others are superior.” (Philippians 2:3) Many conflicts arise because marriage mates pridefully try to blame their partners for problems instead of humbly seeking ways to make things better for each other. Lowliness of mind, or humility, can help you suppress the urge to insist on being right in a disagreement.

▸ Do not hastily take offense. “Do not hurry yourself in your spirit to become offended.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) Try to avoid the inclination to refute your mate’s viewpoint or to leap to your own defense if your mate questions something you have said or done. Instead, listen to and acknowledge your mate’s expressions. Think carefully before making a reply. Many couples learn too late in life that winning a heart is a greater victory than winning an argument.

▸ Know when to keep quiet. “Be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” (James 1:19) Good communication is without a doubt one of the most important signposts on the road to marital happiness. Why, then, does the Bible say that there is “a time to keep quiet”? (Ecclesiastes 3:7) This can be a time to do active, purposeful listening—a vital part of communication that involves finding out what your marriage mate really feels and why he or she feels that way.

▸ Listen with empathy. “Rejoice with people who rejoice; weep with people who weep.” (Romans 12:15) Empathy is indispensable to purposeful communication because it enables you to feel your spouse’s deepest emotions. It can help create an atmosphere in which each one’s opinions and feelings are treated with respect and dignity. “When we talk about our problems,” confides Nella in Brazil, married for 32 years, “I always listen very carefully so I can understand Manuel’s thoughts and feelings.” When your spouse is speaking, it is your “time to keep quiet” and to listen with empathy.

▸ Make a habit of expressing appreciation. “Show yourselves thankful.” (Colossians 3:15) Strong marriages are characterized by husbands and wives who make sure their spouse feels appreciated. However, in the day-to-day routine of married life, some marriage mates neglect this vital aspect of communication and merely assume that their spouse feels valued. “Most couples,” states Dr. Ellen Wachtel, “could give each other that feeling of appreciation if they simply thought to do so.”

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102008243?q=matt+19%3A6&p=par